


As it Crumbles Beneath Us

by Kienova



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Family Angst, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post The Devil Complex, Psychological Trauma, Season/Series 05, vaguely hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 10:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14079237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kienova/pseuds/Kienova
Summary: "I think I need to lie down,” Jemma managed, standing up on trembling legs only to have her grandson carefully wrap an arm around her. “Deke, I’ll be-” she started, trying to hold in the sob that was welling up in her chest.“Please,” he said imploringly, blue eyes scanning over her pale, tear stained features. She nodded deftly, allowing him to lead her up to the level with the bunks on it. It was only when she went to open the door to her own quarters that she stopped, dread filling her. Her entire material life was contained within the room. Her things mixed with those of her husband’s - the man who she had left three floors down in a cell, his self-imposed segregation suddenly immensely raw once again.





	As it Crumbles Beneath Us

**Author's Note:**

> Please be kind to each other friends - I know there is a lot of divide over 5x14.

She didn’t want to think about it. Deke had been immensely concerned after she threw up, his hand awkwardly placed on her back as she coughed and tried to get her breath back even as nausea swirled through her.

“Are you okay?” He questioned, voice still thick with emotion from his confession.

“Yes. Well, no, but I… I think I need to lie down,” Jemma managed, standing up on trembling legs only to have her grandson carefully wrap an arm around her. “Deke, I’ll be-” she started, trying to hold in the sob that was welling up in her chest.

“Please,” he said imploringly, blue eyes scanning over her pale, tear stained features. She nodded deftly, allowing him to lead her up to the level with the bunks on it. It was only when she went to open the door to her own quarters that she stopped, dread filling her. Her entire material life was contained within the room. Her things mixed with those of her husband’s - the man who she had left three floors down in a cell, his self-imposed segregation suddenly immensely raw once again.

“I- I can’t,” Jemma whimpered, hands shaking violently. She couldn’t bare to see their things together, the reality of everything that had happened so fresh that she felt dizzy and nauseous again. Deke, for all his ignorance the first while he was around them, seemed to pick up on exactly what was bothering her. 

“Why don’t you lie down in my room?” He offered, already steering her down the hall and into his bunk. His things were messy, scattered across the chair and desk, but his bed was neatly made. Jemma stumbled as they cleared the threshold, her knees giving out with exhaustion and shock. Deke quickly tightened his hold on her, half-dragging her to the bed until he could deposit her on the mattress. She was sobbing again within seconds, the sounds loud and so gut wrenching that it made Deke’s chest hurt. “What can I do?” He asked, desperate to make it better.

“I just want to be alone. Please,” Jemma forced out between hiccuping breaths. Every fibre in him fought against leaving her alone, but he obeyed, dropping the blanket over her carefully before slipping out of the room. Sighing, he ran his hands through his hair, unsure what to do with himself.

He took to wandering around, restless energy simmering beneath his skin as he circled through the base. He didn’t dare disturb Daisy, Mack or Elena - the three of them holed up in medical. He didn’t think he had ever seen Daisy so angry and hurt, her eyes shining with raw betrayal. He wasn’t sure what she would have told Mack and Elena. Wasn’t sure what Jemma would have said to them either, not privy to their family conversations.

In the end, he wound up back at his own door, carefully stepping inside to find that Jemma had cried herself to sleep. He sighed, exhaustion finally overwhelming him as he tugged his chair closer to the bed so he was nearby if she needed him, falling asleep within minutes.

It didn’t last long.

Jemma woke up screaming, scrambling against the bedding as if searching for something, her eyes wild as she backed into the wall, knees drawn up.

“Hey, hey, you’re alright,” Deke rushed, voice raw from sleep.

“Stay away!” Jemma yelled, panicked, eyes flicking around the room so frantically it made his head hurt.

“Grandma! Breathe.” The moniker he gave her seemed to jumpstart her mind, her hands falling to her sides as she finally settled her gaze on him. The calm lasted for only a heartbeat before she dissolved into tears again. Deke awkwardly stood up, sitting down on the edge of the mattress until she threw her arms around him, crying into his shoulder.

“What am I going to do?” she whimpered. “How are we supposed to fix this?” He knew she wasn’t talking about the world’s impending demise, but rather the entire team’s shattered relationship with Fitz - not to mention the impact to her own. It was something he didn’t have an answer for.

“I don’t know. But we’ll get there.”

—

She’s brittle suddenly. Barely speaking, only performing medical assessments and treatment and answering May’s questions when the other woman gets back. Deke follows her around, watching the dark circles under Jemma’s eyes grow and deepen in colour over the next few days. He knew he was acting like a dog, always at her heels, but he feels compelled, knowing that she’s one minute away from breaking completely.

He’s the one that goes into her bunk to get her clean clothes, her face blanching until she’s fleeing for the bathroom at the prospect, even two days after everything has fallen to shit. She’s stayed with him, his pillow nearly always soaked with her tears whenever she isn’t working.

Daisy regards him with an angry look whenever she sees him, arms crossed over her chest as he scampers after Jemma wherever she goes. Part of him wanted to care. The other part doesn’t. Too concerned with the state of his grandmother.

No one ventured down to the containment floor save for Piper, the woman gritting her teeth and following May’s instructions to at least make sure Fitz didn’t starve to death.

He thought about going down there once or twice, but in the end decided against it, simply because of how Jemma was deteriorating before his eyes. She could barely keep anything down. It was like their discussion in the tunnel had opened a dam of distress, manifesting in frequent nausea and vomiting. Deke tried to comfort her when he could. Held her hair back when she threw up while tending to Elena, the other woman’s eyes wide and worried before Jemma had hastily excused herself, Deke on her heels.

“I should be the one taking care of you,” she whimpered, hours later as she lay on his bed, head aching and exhausted.

“It’s okay,” he rushed, needing to reassure her. Jemma sniffed, closing her eyes against the tears that were building again.

“I’m terrified,” she admitted quietly.

“Of what?”

“That… that if I forgive him… that I will lose the rest of my family. That they’ll… that Daisy, especially, will never forgive me. That they’ll hate me.” The words came out broken and defeated. “But he’s my husband. I love him. Do I think he made the right choice? Yes, and no. We should have talked about it. Come up with a different solution but… but I understand his reasoning as well. And I can’t imagine what he must be thinking. How he must be struggling to comprehend what happened. His worst nightmares manifest in the recesses of his mind taking control because he knew… that he had to do something all of us would be against. Himself included. I just… I’m going to lose people I care about no matter what decision I make.”

“You won’t lose me,” he said quietly, awkwardly rubbing her arm in consolation. Jemma let out a shuddering laugh, unable to stop herself from crying.

“What am I supposed to do?” She croaked.

“Sleep on it.” Deke suggested, tucking a blanket around her. It took her a while, but she eventually fell into a restless slumber.

—

“Jemma. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Elena asked, watching the other woman putter around the medical room. It was the first time in days that Jemma had appeared without her newly acquired shadow, Deke having still been sleeping when she got up a little while before.

“There’s nothing going on,” Jemma replied, breathing through a wave of vertigo before she moved to check Elena’s vitals.

“Jemma,” the inhuman said again, her voice pointed. “Are you going to tell him?”

Jemma crumpled at the question, sinking into a chair with her head in her hands.

“I don’t know if I can,” she confessed, hand straying to her stomach. “I don’t know if I can do this at all.”

“No matter what happened, don’t you think Fitz has a right to know?” Elena pressed, feeling guilty immediately when Jemma burst into silent tears.

“I don’t know if I want to tell him. If I can. I… if I go down there you’re all going to hate me,” The words came out hitching and raw, Jemma’s eyes focused on the floor. “And you have a right to. He hurt all of us. Betrayed all of us. Lied to me. Took Daisy’s choice away from her but… but all I want to do is let him hold me and tell me this is going to be okay.” She was gasping for breath by the end, hastily wrapping her arms around herself to try and keep herself from shaking apart. Every part of her suddenly felt like it was trembling, as if the next breath could tear her to shreds.

Deke chose that moment to crash into the room, barely paying Elena any attention as he rushed over, pulling Jemma into a tight hug.

“I’ve got you,” he murmured, feeling her hands scramble at his coat. “Come on, let’s put you back to bed. You’re exhausted.” Elena expected Jemma to protest, but she didn’t, nearly collapsing into Deke’s hold as he got her to her feet and led her out of the room, passing Daisy as they went.

“What was that?” The hacker queried, coming into the room with her tablet in hand. Elena clenched her jaw for a moment before looking Daisy straight in the eyes.

“I think we need to talk. About Jemma. And Fitz.” Her words were firm and measured, her resolve prepared for the angry look that crossed Daisy’s face.

“I don’t think -” Daisy began.

“Jemma is pregnant,” Elena said, cutting her off and watching Daisy’s eyes grow wide as she dropped down into the chair Jemma had vacated.

“What?!”

“She’s been sick almost every day. And Deke keeps watching her like something is wrong.”

“Well that could be-”

“Daisy, in all the time you have known her and all the crap we have gone through, have you ever seen Jemma be sick?” She pressed. Daisy took a moment to think before shaking her head.

“Well, she hasn’t told us so…” Daisy muttered.

“Do you blame her?” Elena shot back. “I don’t blame you, or Mack, or Jemma for being angry about what happened. Or for being angry with Fitz. I’m angry too. But Jemma is carrying something we cannot understand. She hasn’t told us because she probably thinks we’re going to be mad. That we would hate the baby. That we’re going to hate her because she’s having a baby with the man she loves, no matter what he’s done. I’m not telling you to forgive Fitz. That’s your decision. But I am telling you to go easy on Jemma. I don’t think she would be able to live with everything if she were to lose that baby.”

Daisy sat quietly, nodding at the words.

“I’ll try,” she finally said.

—

“What’s going on with you and Simmons?” Daisy asked, cornering Deke in the kitchen as he stared at the various packages of food, hoping to find something Jemma could keep down.

“W-what? What do you mean? Nothing’s going on,” he scrambled, promptly knocking a box of cereal to the floor. Daisy frowned, crossing her arms over her chest as she waited for a proper answer. It took a moment but eventually Deke sighed, irritation and exhaustion removing his filter. “I’m sorry, I seem to be the only one willing to talk to her since all this shit blew up in our faces. She’s sick and not sleeping and her husband fucked up royally but she still loves him but she can’t even bare to talk to him cause she knows the minute she does, you stupid vultures are going to beat the shit out of her. Emotionally, I mean.”

“Deke-”

“No, you know what? That is my grandma you’re talking about and treating like garbage. I’m allowed to be pissed off and want to keep her safe, okay?!”

The words feel like a slap to the face, sending Daisy reeling as she stumbled backwards.

“What?!” She demanded. Deke clenched his jaw.

“You heard me. And I get it. I get that you’re pissed and you can’t forgive my grandpa for what he did. I can understand that. But you do not get to take that out on her.” He didn’t say anything else, grabbing a few things off the counter and disappearing from the kitchen. Daisy just blinked, watching him go.

—

“Jemma?” Daisy called her name quietly, not wanting to alarm the other woman who is trying to work simulations about Coulson’s illness at the other end of the room, tucked into an alcove and seemingly trying to make herself as small and inconspicuous as possible.

“D-daisy,” Jemma stammered, panic barely shuttered away behind her eyes. Daisy couldn’t help but wince when she got a proper look at the other woman. Skin pale, deep circles beneath her eyes, and a sadness that was nearly all encompassing. One that instantly conjured the word hopeless in Daisy’s mind.

“Can we talk for a second?” The hacker queried, inching forward until she was directly in front of Jemma.

“Alright.”

“I’m still really, really angry,” Daisy started, blowing out a long breath. “And it’s going to take me a long time to… to move past that. And I can’t be sure that I ever will. What happened… It just… I don’t know where to go from here Jem. I really don’t. But… but I know that regardless of how angry and betrayed I feel it’s not fair to expect… to make you feel like you can’t… that you can’t tell Fitz what’s going on.”

“There’s nothing going on,” Jemma defended, swallowing hard at the sad look Daisy threw her.

“Jemma. You’re allowed to tell Fitz you’re pregnant.”

An awkward silence settled over them as Jemma stared for a moment before dropping her gaze.

“I don’t know if I should,” she muttered, cursing her hormones for the millionth time when she felt herself tearing up again. It felt like all she ever did was feel sick, be sick, cry, and sleep; the few moment in between filled with immeasurable feelings of guilt and regret. “If… if the stress of everything is what caused him to disassociate I can’t… dropping this on him… I can’t.”

“But what’s the stress doing to you?” Daisy prodded gently.

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to be consoling me when -” Jemma’s voice broke on the words.

“Stop. You are my best friend. And yes, I am tired and angry and scared. I am so scared Jemma. Coulson is missing and might be dying right now. I now have these powers that are going to destroy the world and that terrifies me. But at the same time…. you finally thought you were getting a bit of happiness and suddenly it was ripped away from you. Again. I… I can’t be a part of making that worse. I love you… both of you, too much for that. Even if I can’t forgive him.” Daisy pulled her into a tight hug then, kissing the side of her head. “Just… think about it. Telling him. We can figure it out. Get some help. Okay?”

“Okay.”

—

Jemma still didn’t go to the containment cells. Rather, it was Daisy that sucked in a deep breath before venturing into the darkened area, keeping to the shadows as she watched Fitz through the window. He was muttering to himself, fist banging against the side of his head as he fought with his own demons. He looked utterly disheveled, unwashed and unkempt. Someone had brought him a change of clothes, but it did little to distract from the black circles beneath his eyes.

“Hey,” she called softly, drawing his attention. He startled, frowning at the sight of her.

“A-are you actually here or am I even more fucked up than I thought?” His question was rife with uncertainty, voice rough from disuse at anything above a whisper for days on end.

“You’re pretty fucked up, but I’m not a hallucination,” Daisy retorted, arms crossed over her chest. He nodded, eyes dropping back to the mattress as he fidgeted with his wedding ring.

“It’s not an excuse or a defence but… I think I might be schizophrenic,” he mumbled.

“More likely its dissociative identity disorder compounded by PTSD and your brain injury,” she replied. “You’re right though. It’s not an excuse.”

Silence settled over them, Daisy’s eyes tracking his movements while Fitz stayed on the bed.

“I… I have no right to ask for your forgiveness. And I’m not. I don’t deserve it. But… for what it’s worth, I am so, so sorry. Sorry that I didn’t figure it out sooner. That I didn’t find an alternative. That I didn’t discuss any of it with you to get your consent. That- that I put your life and everyone else’s in such danger. Y-you should t-turn me over to the p-police. It would be safer if I was locked up away from you all.”

“Yeah, because that evidently worked so well after the Framework.” Her words felt like a knife, plunging into his stomach. Daisy let out a long breath, foot tapping nervously against the floor, a battle warring inside her from the moment she had decided to come down and face him. Part of her wanted to hurt him; part of her wanting to banish him, and the last, tiny part wanting her friend to just understand why she was so, so angry and hurt and betrayed. “I’m only going to say this once so I need you to listen and try to understand,” she said.

“Okay,” he said after a moment, glancing up at her for a brief second before his eyes went back to his wedding ring.

“Ever since I was a kid I have had my choices taken away from me. Foster home to foster home. At school. Even being dragged into this fucking circus we call our lives. None of that was my choice, not really. And then I became Inhuman. Didn’t get a choice in that. Got possessed by Hive. Nope, no choice in that either. And then sucked into the Framework and spat back out and then pulled into the future and tortured, thrown into a ring where I was meant to kill or be killed. Being told I’m going to be the one to destroy the world… I didn’t get a choice in anything. And I wanted to stay there. In the future. Because I wanted you all to be safe. And then C-coulson took my agency from me there, too. He knocked me out so I couldn’t fight to stay. He didn’t give me a choice Fitz. It was… it was my choice to keep my inhibitor. Because I cannot stomach the idea that I am going to kill everyone. And… and you took that away from me. I am losing every little bit of control I have over my life. No one is letting me make choices for myself. And to- to have the closest people I have to family be the ones to take that away from me…”

The words echoed around the room, making her chest tight as she forced them out, noticing how Fitz was silently crying at her confession, splashing onto the blanket beneath him.

“I am so, so sorry. I know it isn’t enough. It never will be. But I am.” The words were broken but she heard them. Sucking in a deep breath, she pushed the door open, walking into the room. Fitz jolted backwards, backing into the wall, his eyes wide.

“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to forgive you,” she said.

“I wouldn’t ask you too,” he rushed.

“But… you are still my family. And right now, your wife needs you. She is terrified of losing you. So we need to figure out a way to get you some help. So that you can learn to deal with the crazy amount of traumatic shit you’ve been through.” He nodded in reply. “But for now I need you to do two things for me Fitz.”

“Anything,” he croaked.

“I need you to get some sleep. This… trauma like this is worse if you’re not sleeping. And I need you to tell me or Jemma when you’re hearing him. And what he’s saying. What.. what your brain is telling you. I can’t trust you unless you start being honest with us.”

–

Jemma was asleep on the sofa when Daisy got back. The biochemist’s head was pillowed on Deke’s legs, the man timidly stroking her hair. Daisy sniffed, eyes still red from crying after her confrontation with Fitz. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, having such a terse conversation with someone she considered a brother, but she had needed the catharsis.

“How’s she doing?” Daisy whispered, swiping at her nose with her sleeve.

“Really tired today,” Deke replied.

“So… they’re really your grandparents?” she asked, sitting on the opposite chair.

“Yeah.”

“So… you’re looking after your grandma. While she’s pregnant with your mom. That is… messed up.”

“Thanks.”

Silence settled between them as Daisy fidgeted.

“I don’t know where we all go from here,” Daisy confessed after a beat.

“I don’t think any of us do,” Deke said, tucking Jemma’s hair behind her ear. “But we’ll figure it out.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading <3
> 
> Come visit me on [Tumblr](http://www.kienova66.tumblr.com) if you want :)


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